Broken Heart

[Madisons]

My heart is broken, my mind is reeling.  The love of my life, my companion of 45 years, my soul mate, my best friend, left this life at 12:16 pm on Tuesday October 5, 2010.  Even though I knew he had many very serious health issues I thought he was 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

The dreaded has become reality and now I must find a way to go on alone.

[Guardian Angel]

Oh Madisons I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your  family are in my thoughts and prayers.  May God grant you the strength to continue on.  Be well, friend.

[SpiritMan]

Madisons

There are no words! I know exactly how lost you feel right now. Please know that you have many people who have you in their thoughts and those thoughts will help to support you in this difficult time.

Lots of love! Bob

[Veda]

Oh Madison . . . I didn't know till just now.  My heart aches for you. What a battle he has fought with you right by his side. Sending love your way.   -Veda

[Butterfly]

Madisons, I am so sorry !  I cannot imagine the pain you must feel right now.  Know that you are in my thoughts and that you can come here, to your friends on the Briarpatch whenever you need us.

[Barbara T]

Madisons, I'm so sorry.  Pat went through the same thing almost two years ago, and I lost my Jerry a year and a half ago tomorrow.  There are times when you think you can't go on, but you do.  It will eventually get easier, but I don't think it ever gets better.  When you need a shoulder to lean on there will be many of them available here.

[Pat Testa]

Madisons...when I heard that your husband lost his battle...even though I didn't know him personally, tears welled up and flowed for you and for him and for the struggle that you went through...we all have to face this at some point in our lives, and it isn't easy.....you have a lot of support here...like Barb said...lean on us We will be here........

[Madisons]

Thanks all for the kind words and support.

Day four of my life without my best friend....The smallest things make me cry.  I'm stumbling through this day trying to make myself function.  I thought I would try to do some laundry, but when I opened the dryer there was a load  of his clothes.  I had brought them home from the rehab center Sunday night and was going to take them back Monday.  I closed the dryer door and walked away sobbing.  I can't take them out...what will I do with them....I'm not ready to make those kinds of decisions yet.

I know it will get better but oh my God it hurts.

[Pat Testa]

Oh man.....I know what you are going through and it does hurt...the crying will eventually slow down...but even after two years...something will remind you and the tears will flow again. I know how hard it is and how well-meaning friends will tell you to think of the good times...I would just look at them and politely say thanks...but afterward, I would think to myself (why do they think I'm tearing up?)
All I can say is do this on your own time, no one but you can know how you feel...but know that you can come here and there are people who will listen and not judge.......HUGS...Pat

[Guardian Angel]

(((((((Madisons)))))))

[Butterfly]

Madisons......I wish we were all closer so that we could give real hugs, not just over the internet.......

[Pat Testa]

Butterfly, I have often wished the same thing...but I can tell you that the outpouring of love here on the Briarpatch when Bill passed away, helped me get through a really rough patch...I don't think it matters how far away it's coming from, it just matters that you aren't alone and someone else feels your pain.......

[SpiritMan]

Madisons,

The fact that you are able to come here and share these things with us is the best sign of your strength! Don't ever feel you need to go through this alone. We are all here for you!

[Barbara T]

Madisons Pat is right.  You never know what is going to bring on the tears, and for me they still come frequently. I know you are going to have to use your dryer eventually, so you'll have to find a place to put the clothes.  I still have Jerry's coveralls that he wore to work in the yard, his jacket, and his hat still hanging on the peg behind the bedroom door. They will probably stay there till I die because I can't get rid of them. ((((((Madisons))))))  It never gets better, but it does get easier.

[Madisons]

I do appreciate being able to come here and express myself.  I think that your caring and non-judgmental comments from far away might even be better help right now.  Personal friends somehow feel as if they have to fix me, to help me, to take away the pain.  That's not possible.  I need to feel the pain and find ways to deal with it myself.  I will make it through, but it will take some time and many stumbling steps as I find my way.

The obituary is in today's paper along with a wonderful picture.  I wrote the simple tribute and our daughter and I went through pictures until we found just the right one.

I have been writing him a letter that I intend to place in the niche with his ashes.  It is mostly a long rambling trip down our 45 year long memory lane.  I had no idea what it would turn out to be when I started, I just felt the need to write it.