Middle Child

[Butterfly]

I have been living in limbo for the past 2 months or so, while we build, what we hope will be our final home.  Living with extended family is not supposed to be easy, so I'm surprised at how well it's going.  I have easily stepped into the role of homemaker here at our son's home and have taken over the management of the house, the dog and the grandchild who is about to turn 14.  As long as I'm baking cookies, they all seem to be pretty happy. 

I miss my friends, I miss my other grandkids, I miss going to Danville occasionally, and when I realize it's a 10 hour drive instead of 3 1/2, I know it will be a while before we go back.  This has always been the hardest part of moving for me, the part where I make new friends.  It takes time, and when your older, time is precious.

I realize that I am somehow "different" from the people here, in that I am a northerner in a southern state.  I cling to my midwestern roots and cringe a little when small children call me Miss Sandy and ma'am.  I'm quite sure my "liberalness" is evident every time I open my mouth and can shock sweet little southern ladies at the drop of a hat.......    

Oliver asked the question in another thread about ever being intimidated by someone.  Sometimes I am, maybe not intimidated, but uncomfortable around people I feel are looking down on me, maybe because I'm not wearing the right clothes or for whatever reason and I hate that feeling !  I met four people recently when I went to the home of a friend of the girlfriends to pick up her children from a playdate.  Three of them were very nice, the forth was what I would call snooty.  She asked questions geared at summing me up socially I suppose.  I don't care if someone comes from the right background or has money.  I care if they are genuine.  I feel vulnerable right now, vulnerable to rejection, so I stay close to  home.  I have met others who have shown true southern hospitality, so I remember those encounters with a smile and a good feeling. Those are the kind of people I hope to one day call my new friends.

[Guardian Angel]

They always talk so highly of southern hospitality, but I am here to tell you some of the friendliest, most genuine people I ever met we're the ones in Wisconsin where we lived for only a year.  Those people were our friends until their dying day.  They are all gone now, but I will never forget them.

[Butterfly]

GA,I feel the same way about the friends we made in O'Fallon.  I know I haven't been here long, but it reminds me of when we first moved to a small town in Nebraska.  The people there were not friendly.  It took me a year to start feeling like I belonged.  I did make some lifelong friends, and I'm not saying the people of Nebraska are not friendly, just the small town we lived in, was a hard place to make friends.  I think we would've been much better off living in Lincoln which is a college town and has a more diverse community.

[Pat Testa]

Oh, Butterfly...those ladies will be coming to you for decorating tips and the kids will be knocking on your door wanting to know if you have any cookies leftover...

I remember when we moved here from Danville...I had never been anywhere and all my friends and family were still back in Illinois. It took me a while to get used to being the wife of a "big deal" in the printing industry...but it didn't take long for them to accept me and realize that without me, he was just a "little deal". The kids who grew up in this neighborhood are adults now and some of them are even grandparents. They still come over and ask if I'm going to bake Snickerdoodles. One of them is in Marine bootcamp and will graduate soon and his mom says he can't wait to get home to some of my Snickerdoodles...I will definitely bake some for him.

[Oliver]

Well, I guess I just had to stick my keyboard in here...(I may be booted off soon while eldest does her work.)

I admire all of you in your moves. I'd think it would, or could, be a time of introspection to consider what you have to take with you and what you have to, perhaps reluctantly, leave behind. In a strange sense at times in my life I've wanted to condense all my things down to a very small amount to feel somehow less encumbered.

Guess what? Gotta go for the moment. Gosh, and I wasn't even warmed up yet!

[Butterfly]

Oliver, I did go through that when we moved this time, more so than with any other move.  We knew we would be moving a great distance and paying for the move ourselves, we are also downsizing and will be living with my youngest son for several months while our villa is built.  So we sold most of our furniture and gave away some things before we left.  It is liberating to not have so much stuff !  Knowing we would no longer have a separate dining room, I gave my mother's dishes to my daughter in law.  I gave each of my friends something from our home, one a lamp, one a bird cage and one a picture of President Kennedy that she loved.  I reluctantly sold some items at the last minute because they wouldn't fit on the moving truck........    If I had it to do over again, I would have gotten rid of even more.  It's surprising how much we acquire through the years and how little we really need.

I vow to keep my new home less cluttered with stuff, although I've never been one to keep things I don't use.  I will either give them away or sell them at a garage sale when I tire of them.  I remember someone, I think, on the Briarpatch, suggested I take pictures of things  I wanted to remember, but did not have the room to keep. 

So far, my one regret is that I sold two very nice small porch chairs that I'm having a hard time finding replacements for......even in the furniture capitol of the US.......

[Bingo]

BF with your personality you will have a fllock of people around you soon after you move to your new home.

We were luckier in Nebraska, We were transferred to Grand Island NE with one small child and bought a new home in a subdivision outside town, 80% of the subdivision were 'transplants' and mostly near our ages, kids of various sizes.  I left there with three kids and life long friends that we no longer visit but keep in touch. That was my first encounter with neighbors as friends and social group.  We traded babysitting and met in small groups for what I guess is now called play group, we just got together and let the kids play.

My neighbors here the past 20 years, have seen a few changes, here and there. A few job transfers, a few deaths, a few divorces. While we  have exchanged keys with several neighbors and pick up and hold mail for each other for vacations, we don't have more than neighbor exchanges, or once in awhile a graduation or wedding. I miss the friendships from Nebraska and even our past neighbors who are no longer nearby. Having adult daughters who live nearby, I am blessed to have much of my social life include the 'girls' and once in awhile a trip to or from Chicago with #1 and once in awhile a trip to mom and/or my sister. Working full time and helping the girls with their decorating and cooking and now with my sweetheart Miss Baby, I am busy and don't have a lot of time to go out and find other friends.  I work with a lot of great women who are sort of in the same place as me, we have things to do when we leave work.

[Ray Nolan]

Hey Butterfly....hang in there.

Moving to a different geographic area can be adventurous and exciting but it can also make a person feel like a "fish out of water".    Believe me....We made the change several times due to company advancements and transfers. The most challenging move was when we had three children in high school, one in the first grade and a baby. It was really tough on those teenagers and now, in their forty's, they occasionally remind me in a joking way.

Looking back....We always had friends and neighbors who were nice and their was sometimes one or two who wouldn't speak....even if they needed medical attention. 

Like Bingo says, with your wonderful personality, you will be a great asset to your new neighborhood. Just be yourself and anyone who stands back....it will be their loss. You will be the "first lady" of the villa's. 

[Butterfly]

Thank you Bingo and Ray, also thanks to my sisters !  All of you made me feel much better .....

[Butterfly]

The Thanksgiving thread has brought back memories of the many Thanksgiving's we shared as a family, growing up on Collett street and then moving to Tennessee St. when I was 15.  I remember mom baking and cooking all day long and all of us gathered at the kitchen table for a spectacular meal.  I don't remember appreciating it as much as I should have, until I had to prepare my own first Thanksgiving dinner.  By the way, I left the package inside of the turkey.........the one with the giblets and the neck......   I remember my brother Steve would take so much stuffing, that we would pass the bowl around him to make sure everyone else would get some.  I remember when mom asked dad what kind of pie he wanted, pumpkin or mincemeat, he would always say "Yes", so she would give him a small piece of each......   I remember using the good china and the good crystal, that usually sat in the china cabinet most of the time, and the silver that was in a wooden box.  I remember those tiny little wine glasses, and the Mogan David mom always bought for the dinner.  That was way before any of us knew what good wine was.....  I remember never getting enough whipped cream for my pumpkin pie because mom always made it from scratch and there just wasn't enough to go around. 

We never knew who would show up at the table on Thanksgiving day.  I remember, mom would call over to Chanute Air Force base and ask if there was anyone who did not have a place to go for Thanksgiving day, and they would send one or two young  men over.  I remember one year having a bachelor friend of my brother's for dinner because he was going to be alone. 

We always ate too much and it was hard to push away from the table, but we always managed to get the dishes done, which was a monumental task without a dishwasher.  Of course, the guys would retreat to the livingroom to watch football on TV and end up falling asleep.

After leaving Danville, we had to establish our own traditions because going back was not always possible.  The best years were the ones when the boys came home with their families.  Sometimes our friends would make the trip too.  This year will be the first I can remember going to someone else's house for Thankgiving (other than my parents), so it will be memorable, I'm sure.  I will make the cloverleaf rolls and the pumpkin pies and help with the turkey, intermingling our traditions with those of the son's girlfriend, but it won't be the same as those Thanksgiving dinners of old.  I have learned not to eat too much, and I now skip the traditional turkey sandwich later in the evening, although I may sneak in another piece of pumpkin pie.  I always make sure I have extra cool whip so I can pile it high.  Yes, I have pie with  my cool whip.....

[Butterfly]

Here I am, a year after our big move, and things have changed dramatically.  We've been in our new townhome since February and made many new friends here in the community.  Many of the women in the subdivision are widow's, so I have to keep an eye on the hubby.......   Just kidding......he is getting a lot of attention though, especially with his walking routine.  Up at 7:00am to walk at least 5 miles, then off again in the evening to walk another 3 to 5 miles.  We are both trying to develop healthier habits in our golden years.

The grandson is growing like a weed, 5'11" and will be 15 in October.  He's surly at times, but overall, a great kid.......maybe a little spoiled.  I'm still missing the other two grandchildren, but they are in the process of moving out here.  We are trying to help to find a place for them to rent, until they decide where they want to buy a house.  As I've said, it's very stressful for Donna and Joe, and me too..... That's the main reason for this blog.  My sister, Pat, brought back memories of our rental's, by recalling their move to Texas.  I remember when we moved to Nebraska, after Mike and I got married.  He was living in a 2 bedroom apartment and we crammed my stuff in with his.  The boys had to share a room for a while, and there was 1 bathroom.  We have some good memories from that place, even though we weren't there very long.  Our landlord, at that time, had a house that became available, and offered it to us.  It was one of those old square houses with the flat roof at the very top.  Some of my husband's coworker's helped us move and made fun of the place.....    They couldn't believe we were moving there.  It had a window air conditioner, 3 bedrooms, all small, and one tiny bathroom for 4 people.  We lived there for 8 years while we saved money for a down payment on our first home together.  We ended up doing a lot of work to that place, painting, cleaning up the windows and re-caulking them, doing some landscaping, putting rock in the driveway, etc.  The landlord saw that we were taking good care of it and put in a new bathroom for us and new carpet.  When the coworker's came back, they were shocked at how good the place looked.  We had made it a home.....   Best of all, by staying there for 8 years, we were able to save enough for the downpayment on our wonderful Craftsman style home.

These memories have helped a little to put this move by the kids into perspective.  I know a rental won't be perfect, but it will be temporary.  I guess I'm stressing about actually picking a place for them, and then hoping they will like it.  I'm imagining all the stress they are going through right now, leaving their home and their friends and moving to another state.  The son will have to find a job and maybe Donna also.  The kids will be starting a new school and making new friends.  To me, all this is overwhelming, as I'm sure it is for the kids.  We will be here to help as much as we can and hope to be able to cushion the move somewhat.

So, a new adventure begins.......nothing ever stays the same.  The only constant in life is change.