Life Tips

[Guardian Angel]

There are so many tips one can give on living life that I thought this would be a neat thread.

[Guardian Angel]

And here is another........

[elefan]

GA....those are great...keep em coming.  I love to read/hear things that make me think..  and I am always looking for tips to help get me through life a little smoother. 

[Guardian Angel]

Here is one my mom told me.  When you are angry wait three days and cool off before you address the situation that made you angry.  I have always found, when I practice this, that I am more able to view the situation rationally and keep from magnifying it with my anger.

Now, mind you, sometimes I open my mouth before I put my brain in gear and remember to wait the three days, but when I do remember, it works.......


Right along with that goes one of may favorite quotes:  "Anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind."

[Guardian Angel]

How to Clean House........

1.  Open a new file in your PC. 
2.  Name it "Housework." 
3.  Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. 
4   Empty the RECYCLE BIN. 
5.  Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?" 
6.  Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly...... 
7.  Feel better?  Works for me!     


 
 

 

[Guardian Angel]

Dusting

A house becomes a home when you can write
"I love you" on the furniture." AMEN !!

And my house is sure a home!!

I can't tell you how many countless hours
that I have spent CLEANING!

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend  making sure things were just perfect -- "in case someone came over."
Then I realized one day that no-one came over; they were all out living life and having fun!

Now, when people visit, I find no need to
explain the "condition" of my home.
They are more interested in hearing about
the things I've been doing while I was
away living life and having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet,
please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better to
paint a picture or write a letter, or do some Bible study, spend time with a friend
bake a cake or plant a seed, go play golf,
ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
with rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
music to hear, songs to sing and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.


Dust if you must, but the world's out
there with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow,
a shower of rain. This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go -- and go you must --
you, yourself will make more dust!

 It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.

[Guardian Angel]

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!
 
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.
 
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
 
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
 
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.



And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? But do share this with someone.
Lost time can never be found...

[Guardian Angel]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to  take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take  it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd  forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man  answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing  number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe  that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the  last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

 When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!"  and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next  to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,  "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.  When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'  calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,  this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.  I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see  it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now,  when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34  Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer  parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start  saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.  Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over  right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I  lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over  there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in  Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there  just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each  other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and  surrounded by a news crew.
 
NOW I feel much better.
 
Anger management really does work

[Butterfly]

[Bingo]

I am not sure this is a tip, but I wasn't sure where to put it.  I went to get a haircut last night. As C was putting the plastic cape around my shoulders I saw a man walk in the front door and we made eye contact.  There was a woman at the shampoo bowl beside me and her hairdresser, L.
L is new to the shop. There are other new stylists there and the front entrance too is new.  After 3 or 4 minutes though I felt as though something was wrong.  I said, C, a man walked in the front door ... awhile ago.  She and L went to find him, because he was no where we could see him.  A neatly dressed man was on the enclosed front porch 'waiting area'.  He had C's handbag in his hands and thought really fast and said when he stepped into the room his shoe made it fall out of its cubby hole near the floor.  (Maybe) He told them a story about car trouble, living in North St Louis County, his wife had his credit cards and he put his last $20 in for gasoline...L gave him $5.  After he left we discussed him quite a bit.  C is mother in law to one of my daughters. She called me this morning to tell me someone had tried to break into the shop before she opened this morning.  We are thinking it was probably the same guy.

Very scary. She is keeping that door locked from now on, there is no where to park in front. All I could think of was that last year, a small beauty shop in a nearby town, in the middle of the day, two elderly sisters and their hairdresser were killed by an intruder. The person had entered an unused door.  The woman in the waiting room must have heard strange noises and went to the back of the shop where she was then killed. That murderer has never been found although they have had many suspects.  Very chilling sort of thing.  Life is truly a series of minutes.

[Butterfly]

I, for one, don't think you can be too careful.  Just being aware of your surroundings and unusual things going on is mandatory.  Even at home, I keep all doors locked during the day.  When I do have the garage door open for any reason, I lock the cars and I keep the entry door into the house locked.  I'm surprised at the number of people who leave their cars in the driveway, unlocked, with garage door openers in them......

[Guardian Angel]

I keep all my doors locked too and never leave the garage door open unless one of us is in the front yard.  George has a habit of going out the garage door, leaving the house unlocked and going to the back yard.  It scares me that he is so lax about this, even though we have had several discussions about it.

[Guardian Angel]

TEN  THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2007
                     
#10  Life is sexually transmitted.                   
                                                       
#9  Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can  die.                                                                                               
#8  Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.                       
                                                       
#7  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks. 
 
#6  Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the  stairs.
                                       
#5  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.   
                                                       
#4  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to  criticism.                                           
                                                       
#3  Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???       
                                                   
#2  In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.     

 AND  THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know  exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and  millions of cows in  America ,  but we haven't a clue  as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.  Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of  immigration.                                     

[Guardian Angel]

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.

 Enjoy the following:

1.  Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2.  Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3.  There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4.  Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5.  Always drink upstream from the herd.

6.  If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8.  There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading.  The few who learn by observation.  The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9.  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10.  If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11.  Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12.  After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral:  When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today it's called golf

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

[Butterfly]

  Loved it !!