Sexuality, Fantasy and Intimacy

[SpiritMan]

I though it might be good to introduce this topic with a statement of purpose or intent. I believe American's Puritanical roots have set us aside from most of Western culture in many negative ways. I think sexuality and intimacy and the ways we relate to them can be used as devices to oppress and control us. Our erotic nature is something that is so natural and vital, it should be celebrated in a healthy positive way that allows us total freedom to choose our own personal interpretations.

Many people don’t even allow themselves fantasy because they are afraid they will cross a line and actually act upon it. What better representation of the negative effects of censorship and restrictive boundaries people place upon their own lives. To put restrictions on one’s own imagination is to die in a way! To restrict any aspect of imagination has a chilling effect on all of it. The most important aspect of imagination is to be able to totally believe it and know it is not real simultaneously.

[SpiritMan]

One of the saddest side effects of a negative cultural attitude about sexuality and intimacy is the idea that getting older means your erotic life is over. Especially with men, the difficulty in "performing" can be misconstrued as an inability to be intimate. This comes from a narrow view of what sexuality actually is. If we are taught that sexuality is "only" for procreation, then it is easy to believe that the elements of eroticism that are designed to give us the "desire" to procreate are the only ones that really count. With that kind of narrow view we are easily persuaded that all of the other elements of intimacy can be thrown away with age. The truth is there are a multitude of ways to be intimate and get erotic stimulation that have nothing to do with procreation.

Getting older means the need to be touched is more important than ever. Intimacy is about feeding the need to be loved. Take away the natural desire to procreate and what you have left are the other ninety percent of the ways to touch each other and stimulate the erotic parts of the brain that feed the need to be loved. While I feel the joke about men having their brains in a lower part of the anatomy is an unfair generalization for all men, it is a fair assessment of how a narrow view of sexuality and intimacy can lead to a very lonely life in the golden years. Sex is not dirty! It is a private agreement between people of how to satisfy the need to be loved in a physical way. It is a way to release creative instincts that are a gift from the creator.

[Curt]

   The early church bishops won out with the concept of duality in the nature of man and hence we find our very nature marginalized - this problem continues to the current day.
    I agree that intimacy has been relegated to the plethora of human essential natures that have been defined nearly out of existence. In the past it was considered normal to be intimate and often publically so. Now it seems as if the " keepers of the morality " desire to regulate and moralize over every aspect of private and public behavior.
   My feeling is that censorship in and of itself is a major factor in why we live in a society which publically decries sexuality and covertly supports a 10 billion dollar a year pornography business. I wonder if the people who decry this have any concept of why this occurs ? History has plenty of examples of how this does not work ( I.E. - Prohibition ).
   I watched my mother-in-law at age 73 remarry and felt the greatest admiration for these two people flying in the face of public opinion to be with a new person to share thier life. I see numerous older people who do not follow thier desire because of " what the family will think " or " I'm too old and people will talk ". These same people will admitt that they miss being held or touched.  My maternal grandfather remarried at age 65 and asked his granchildren what we thought because he already knew his children would disapprove. His statement that "i'm not dead just yet " was plenty of evidence to me that what society thinks has nothing to do with reality.
   Sexuailty and eroticism are part and parcell of this life no matter who would believe or have it otherwise. At 48 I made the decission to father another child - a hundred years ago that was the average life span. Whereasit is unlikely I will have any more children I'm far from done practicing.
   

[Butterfly]

Sex after 50

It's happy hour at Brio Tuscan Grille in Frontenac, and Susan is at the bar sipping a glass of white wine and chatting with a friend. She looks tanned, fit and trendy in her straw cowboy hat and skin-tight blue jeans. You might guess her age at 43, but she's 50.

"I work out with a trainer several times a week, I watch what I eat and do other healthy things," says Susan, who lives in Kirkwood and is engaged to be married for the first time. Her fiance, 14 years her senior, is across the bar, having drinks with his friends.

"I don't want to be a hot mama; I just want to be who I am," she says, declining to give her last name. "I want to feel good, and I don't feel any different than I did when I was 35."

And, yes, she admitted, her youthful philosophy encompasses sex.

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