Technical Difficulties of the Body

[Guardian Angel]

I don't know if this is true or not but you gotta love this gal..

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful
I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
 

[Butterfly]

[Butterfly]

Whenever I see this thread, I think of Pretender.  I wonder how he is doing with his pain management.  I have chronic pain every day, but when I read what he has to go through, mine seems inconsequential in comparison.  So, whenever I'm having a bad day, pain wise, I think of him and hope he's doing OK.....

[Guardian Angel]

I haven't seen him on any of the forums lately.  I too wonder about him and if he is doing OK.  Maybe we should ask Mac.  I think he knows him.

[Guardian Angel]

The Human Body

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection
of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

1.. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

2.. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

3.. The smallest is the male sperm.

4.. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

5.. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

6.. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

7.. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

8.. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

9.. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor
blades.

10.. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

11.. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

12.. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

13.. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get
 cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

14.. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

15.. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

16.. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

17.. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

 18.. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you were born.

19.. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

20.. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.

21.. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

22.. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose.  You did it -- I KNOW you did !!!!!

[Butterfly]

I think I'll go wash my feet.....